Sunday, 27 April 2014

Times & technology have changed. Even the way people cheat in some cases has changed. But the motives, causal factors, & emotions tied to infidelity are constant. The new signs are not that difficult to spot if you know where & how to look. 
Another one of my clients has had to endure the nonsense so, (as it, most definitely, is a huge sign of cheating), its worth mentioning again1 A). Some women will accidentally/ on purpose leave/ plant their personal items for the wife to find, (typically in the vehicle) (previous blog post with photos of such items). Especially if she is growing increasingly impatient with his promises to leave his wife. The other woman may hope that when the wife finds the items, she will kick her husband out - leaving him vulnerable & up for grabs, ( it sometimes works - especially when the wife kicks him out, he'll - at least temporarily), go to the mistress. Women cheat just as often as men do, (for different reasons), but men don't typically leave items for the husbands to find.
Just because you can check off a number of the following signs, doesn't necessarily mean that your spouse is cheating. But you should be extra aware of - & willing to listen to - your gut.

He or she:
  1. (1.B). Has a cell phone but no bill (may be a new "work" phone)
  2. Has two phones; seems to keep them very separated. When he's at home, the second phone usually isn't around.
  3. Has a separate credit card from you but no bills come to the house.
  4. You stop seeing or receiving bills for existing credit cards or cell phones.
  5. Starts putting passwords on email accounts
  6. Changes passwords for Facebook or online bills & accounts.
  7. Erases the browsing history on the computer after use.
  8. Quickly exits the screen when you walk in (cheater sites have emergency exit buttons).
  9. Allows calls go to voicemail or ignores texts for no reason. 
  10. Increases time spent on computer or phone. Wants privacy doing it.
  11. Becomes moody; picks fights; & storms out.
  12. Finds excuses to leave the house.
  13. Increase in work hours, not reflected in pay.
  14. Suddenly very interested in your schedule.
  15. Requests for you to try new clothes; hairstyle; sex acts.
  16. Jealous or possessive of you.
  17. Sudden change, improvement, or interest in appearance (loses weight)
  18. Change in music (radio stations); hobbies; interests.
  19. His or her family & mutual friends start acting "weird" around you. 
  20. Time that can't be accounted for.
  21. Most affairs are with co-workers; may bring the other person up in conversation.
  22. Money in joint accounts unaccounted for. 
  23. Finding items (mistresses have been known to "mistakenly" drop an earring in the car).
  24. The radio station; passenger seat, or mirror position changed.
  25. If your GUT tells you!  Listen to your instincts
Suggestion: Usually, there is no point in asking directly because you won't get the truth. It may actually make it worse because they will now cover their tracks better & be far more careful about evidence. If you suspect your partner may be cheating, as hard as it is (& I know how hard it is), don't confront them - YET. Get evidence or hire a private investigator. The TRUTH is the most important thing & you will likely never, ever, get it from your spouse. You need the truth in order to protect yourself, physically, (STDs/ STIs), financially, & emotionally. There are many resources & support systems so you definitely don't have to do it on your own.

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