Saturday, 31 August 2013



Men & women cheat for very different reasons.  It is generally assumed that men cheat for sex but this isn't the reason, (i.e. excuse), they have given for straying.  It's also a myth that the mistress is sexier, skinnier, kinkier, or makes better chicken parmesan.  Men who have had affairs report that their wives are actually more beautiful, have better bodies, and are nicer than the "other woman". Whuhh? So guys are cheating with fat, ugly, bitches?! The men explain that they missed the little "gestures".  They say they no longer felt appreciated, needed, or noticed.  Men show their love by being the protector & they love it when their woman notices & appreciates it.  Great news ladies; no more over-priced lingerie, just let them renovate the bathroom, (but don't forget to say you really, really appreciate it).
1. Men & women cheat for the same reasons.
2. Mean cheat for sex.
3. People don't cheat if they have a fulfilling sex life at home.
4. The other woman is sexier than the wife.
5. Men cheat more often than women.

According to leading experts like
Dr. Gary Neuman, maintaining an active and fulfilling sex life does not reduce the likelihood of cheating because it is not causal in the first place. Men reported to Dr. Neuman that their sex life at home did not play a role in why they cheated.  Oddly; however, sexual fulfillment and lack of intimacy does play a role in why women cheat.
A myth about female infidelity is that they don't cheat as much as men do.  Gender no longer plays a large role in the likelihood of infidelity. 
Probably the biggest myth about why women stray is that they are looking for emotional  fulfillment.  While this may once have been the case, their reasons for looking outside their marriage for sex has changed with the times.  Increasingly, women who have been unfaithful report that they did so simply for the excitement of it - and the sex.  They report that they were bored with their lives and that the affair made them feel sexy and exhilarated.  These women were generally, unsatisfied with their marital sex-lives.  Many women admitted that they have done so more than once and may have had a series of short affairs - often with married men.
One similarity f
or both women and men, was that the most common place they met the other person was at work.

Infidelity can threaten one's health, family, finances, & even professional reputation.  The strongest protection is in knowing the truth.

Please see our previous post or our website for some NEW SIGNS OF INFIDELITY


The vast majority of my experiences with male P.I.s have been positive & there are a lot of really good ones out there.  I love being a female & I love being a P.I. but the two, together, aren't always sunshine & roses.
Some things can be categorized as, no-harm-intended, (albeit inane & misguided), "Good Ol' Boy" stuff but others simply can't be explained or excused as such..

I believe in not taking myself - or others - too seriously & in picking my battles. Some comments are made without malice & aren't meant to cause harm, (like calling me, "P.I. Barbie", or, "Barbie - P.I."; which - I have to admit; is pretty funny).  As I once theorized to a teenaged niece who was being harassed by some catty girls at school - being called "Barbie" can actually be seen as a compliment. She's a strong, intelligent, beautiful, woman with tonnes of awesome stuff. (Divorce-Barbie even comes with half of Ken's stuff).

On the other hand, there have also been sexually inappropriate remarks; namely about my - or other females' - anatomy. 

I've also had my abilities doubted, simply because of being female.

I've worked cases where things were progressing well yet a male was sent to accompany me (against my protests) for no reason other than to act as an unneeded bodyguard; resulting in a subject being so put off by the guy's presence that they simply shut down & refused to communicate further.  The male boss at the time was a nice enough guy but he just couldn't seem to get past his, (outdated), beliefs.

Women are actually perfectly suited for this type of job.  (Women's), intuition is relied upon often, as are creativity, the ability to think outside the box, problem-solving, multi-tasking, & sensitivity/ empathy.  These are typically female traits & there are even recent medical studies, (one studied 50,000 brain scans), that show no activity whatsoever in some of these areas of the male-brain)

One difference - on a lighter note; twelve-hour surveillance stretches are not out of the ordinary; of course, we are usually equipped with coffee/ tea.  Women face certain logistical challenges in this regard that men simply don't & a quick trip to a gas-station is out of the question - especially when working solo.  This is one of those instances where creativity & ingenuity are relied upon.

With this all being said, I believe that this industry is changing, in the right direction, and that male & female investigators can learn a great deal from one another.

Sunday, 18 August 2013

Being a Female P.I. in a Male-Dominant Industry: The Good; The Bad; & The Ugly


The obligatory disclaimer: This is not an editorial on girls vs. boys or about who makes a better investigator.  There are plenty of great male p.i.s out there and I've been fortunate enough to have learned a lot from the best of them,
That being said; however, women tend to be more analytical, empathetic, creative, and able to multi-task. We use language and reasoning better than men and are faster and more accurate at identifying emotions*.  Women are generally intuitive and have a "sixth-sense" about people and situations. Granted, men would likely fair better than women in a physical altercation; however, (unlike t.v.), ass-kicking is not one of our general duties.
Undercover assignments:
Women don't just think differently than men; we look different than them as well, (ideally).  The significance and benefit of this can't be over-stated. Physically, I don't fit into the stereotypical mould of what a p.i. looks like which is a great advantage, especially with covert assignments
Many p.i.s are retired cops - and they look like it.  In my experience, this can be a major hindrance - especially when working on covert assignments.  Women are intuitive, analytical, and are good at remaining calm and in control under stressful situations. These are all integral qualities of a good covert agent.  Plus, on a physical level, we don't automatically arise suspicion, (and we have virtually limitless options for costumes, props, and cover-stories).  I am an independent, contemporary, woman but; at the risk of being accused of setting the woman's movement back, I admit that I have capitalized on a little flirting in the line of duty.
Interviewing & witness statements

Of course, interviewing is different from undercover work for myriad reasons.  I have witnessed both men and women react differently toward a female interviewer than they do toward a male.  It has been my experience that this is particularly so when both the interviewee and the interviewer are male. Males may change details that they believe might make them appear less manly to another guy or just refuse to speak with him at all.  I know that being a female has helped me, (and my clients), immensely when interacting with male and female victims, interviewees, and witnesses. There is an entire science about why people are more comfortable with, and more likely to divulge information to, a female - even when incriminating themselves.
Case study: Personal-injury; Client: Plaintiff
Catastrophic injuries arising from a pedestrian motor vehicle accident, (to be precise, the client would be the Plaintiff's Attorney).
Defendant driver stated to police that she had not been drinking on the day of the mva. She then disappeared. After locating her and a lengthy conversation, she admitted that she had consumed alcohol throughout the, (sunny), day - including right up until a few minutes before driving.
Another defendant had provided an alibi as to his whereabouts. When I showed up on is doorstep, he invited me in for tea and admitted that he had lied in his initial statement.  I had produced I.D. and identified myself  as representing the other side yet he completely incriminated himself and tanked his case. 
Divorce, child-support, hidden earnings/ assets, and infidelity cases:
At risk of sounding bitter, I can personally relate to, (both male and female), clients in these types of cases.  My own, prolonged, experience included all of these things. FMEP was fully aware of the fact that the ex earned over $100,000 per year yet on the day they attached a judgment, (finally, after 6 years), his income suddenly, (and fraudulently), decreased to $50,000 per year - for the same job, company, title, duties, and hours.
The fact that I can relate so closely is actually of benefit to clients because, in addition to being able to empathize with them, I have the first-hand experience and information to draw upon in order to help them with their case.

Access Supervision:

Being a woman and a Mom has been a huge benefit in this highly sensitive and specialized area of child-protection. Children seem to be more comfortable - and comforted - with a woman supervisor. Custodial parents advise that they feel that a woman/ Mom understands their anxiety and that they are comforted in knowing that their child is with another Mom.  Non-custodial or supervised parents, (men and women), also seem to feel less anxiety, challenged, and alienated. Being a woman, (and a Mom), allows the ability to pick up on the smallest  and most subtle of non-verbal queues from both the child and the parent. 
I love being both a woman and a private investigator; however, it's not all cake and ice-cream - but I'll leave that for my next post